On Wednesday my two daily readings were about the same thing. Basically practicing self care by saying yes to what you want to say yes to and no to what you want to say no to. Sounds simple enough, right? We can tend to over-extend ourselves in the yes department. Then we are exhausted and resentful. How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no? Most of us can cite a recent example…may even today.
While this is an important reminder…I think it doesn’t go far enough. What is really important is conscious decision making in alignment with who you want to be and what is yours to do. How do you say yes or no and have confidence that either is the right choice in that moment?
The first thing is to not automatically let the answer pour out of your mouth. Practice answering consciously. A perfectly legitimate answer many times is simply…let me think about that and get back to you. If there is a more immediate need, you can pause for just a moment. In the ‘let me think about it’ and the ‘pause’ is where the work is done.
Having given yourself a moment, the first question is…who do I want to be? In any moment this might be about what kind of friend, neighbor, wife, son, volunteer, community member, co-worker I want to be. In a bigger picture it might be about what kind of person I want to be in the world…what I would be proud to be known as. This requires that you know what you value…what is important to you. It requires a look inward.
When you have a good idea of who you want to be, the answer to what is yours to do is a bit easier. The discernment more specifically is…what is mine to do in this particular situation with this person?
Not everything we’re asked to do is something convenient, fun or easy. Who gets excited about attending a funeral? Who really looks forward to interrupting their day to lend a hand? Who enjoys a difficult conversation? The decision of yes or no shouldn’t be about these kinds of things.
You will feel the best about yourself when you make conscious decisions in alignment with who you want to be and what is yours to do. It just takes some practice. It also requires looking inward…Who do you want to be?
Much Love
Paula
