It’s hard to be with others when they are suffering and in pain. We want so badly to relieve their pain. ‘What can I do to make it better?’, we ask them. ‘What can I do to show I care?’, we ask ourselves. We want to do something. That’s why people show up with casseroles when someone dies. Food is comfort, we reason. I can take food to the house. Something for us to do. And then we drop by, barely enter the door and off again we go…not wanting to sit with the pain and just BE.
There is another way, and that is to hold space for the other’s pain. Not to fix it…but to soothe it. Not to take it on…but to let it be. Not to make it better…but to give it warmth.
Most people really don’t expect us to make it better. They know that’s really not possible. What we all crave, I think, is to know that we’re not alone. We want to know that someone can sit with our pain. We want to feel their tender heart. This is holding space…not being the container to hold the other…but instead to be the light. To be the lightness, tenderness, understanding and compassion that fills the space in around them.
No pressure to fix what is not fixable. Only the chance and the great honor to offer light. To let the other know, without words, I see you, I hear you, I love you. Practice holding space.
With great tenderness,
Paula
